Saturday, March 10, 2012
The Hardest Words We've Ever Had To Say: Good Bye
For the past 3 weeks or so I've spent every one of my days off at the hospital and then at hospice with my Mom, as I had on Monday of this week. On Tuesday, March 6th after I got off work I called my brother to see how my Mom was doing that day. He told me her breathing had started to become labored. Having lost our Sister & Dad, we knew what that meant. I got home after crying all the way, and told my husband. We asked our kids if they wanted to see Grandma one more time, or would they rather not see her like that. They all wanted to see her . . .
Zach left to go turn in some homework, but didn't stay for class & we texted Kyle who was in a College class as well & he too wanted to go. He had a friend drive his truck home from school, so we could pick him up on the way. We live on the East side of Phoenix, my Mom is in West Phoenix, Kyle's class was down town Phoenix!
There were many family members in her room. And as always when we get together, there is laughter. But this night there were also tears. Mom hadn't really been responsive for several days, but we know even if she can't open her eyes, she can hear us. We had a precious time of saying good bye. I told my Mom we love her & will miss her everyday. But that we are glad she will get to dance with my Dad once again. At this she raised her eyebrows (as if to say woo woo!) ;) Which brought laughter through the tears! I thanked her for everything she has done for us, for being such a great Mom & Grandma to our kids.
On the way home John said he could just see my Dad in Heaven, how excited & giddy he would get, knowing Mom was coming! We got home around midnight, my Brother John was staying the night with Mom at Hospice. At about 1 am he called me to say after we all left Mom just seamed peaceful & her breathing slowed until it stopped all together.
I was so glad we decided to go that night. Yes, Good Bye is the hardest words we ever have to speak, but I'm thankful we had the opportunity.
I have spoken at my Sister Debbie's funeral, at my Dad's funeral, and my Brother-in-Law, Tom's, but I just can't at my Moms. My Niece Sarah said, "But it's just not a Funeral without an Aunt Star speech!" To which her Dad, my Brother Danny replied: "or is the other way around?!" haha Yes, I am a talker. And Danny should know, I get it from him. I think he & I are among the few people who actually like public speaking. But, I just can't do it this time. I'm not that Brave. So this will have to do.
I knew when I hung up the phone that early morning on March 7th, that my life had changed forever. I don't want to think about being on this earth without her here. She was such a big part of my kids' lives. I miss her for me, I miss her for them. I just miss her. And I know I will miss her until I see her again. We have Hope because we have Heaven.